The lust....

... to do something significant.

In those 6 words I've effectively summed up my feelings of the last few months, I'd say probably about the last 3 - 4 months of this year. 

Last year until November, the IT department of VMP [MySchool] consisted of 4 people. That was one IT manager, one IT support lady, one "developer" who was writing custom queries against the database to get information out of the collective 68GB beast that is the VMP database, and one php developer. 

That changed in November when the data guy left the company and the desicion was made that he did not have to be replaced.. at the very least not immediately. At that time I was / still kinda am the php dev at the company. In short, I haven't written any decent php code, or any decent amount of code for that matter, for the last almost 3 months now.... in short that means I haven't been building or upgrading any systems to make the work of others easier and thus I feel like I'm not doing anything worth the salary I'm being paid for.. at the mo I'm a glorified report manager, in the SQL 2005 / 2008 way, not the manager with a BMW type... altough I am driving my dad's old BMW 1991 3 Series boxie at the moment, because the Suzuki is still leaking oil... but my dad and I are working on that one.. slowly but surely, but we are working on that.. I have pictures to prove... 

In a week's time we're going on holiday, and I can't begin to explain how both of us need this. Grieks needs because she's been working like a wild person for the last 6 months, she's been a working demon and not been letting up at all, she's deserved her holiday. I feel unlike myself. I need this holiday to break my mood... to get my head back into the right gear, to look at things different again a little.. to sort my shit out in my own head. 

Sat in the car this evening on the way home, and I was wondering how awesome it must be for some people to work in a job they love every day.... and it hit me.. writing code, making a difference in the way people work, making things easier for them.. that's my ideal job.. that's what I love doing.. 

I'm an odd kind of developer. I know this because I've had friends tell me a lot that I'm odd.. so I'm extrapulating to say I'm a odd / weird kind of dev :o) I've worked in the enviroment where we did a project in two weeks. Anything from ecomm sites to NGO work and the likes in a month... informational websites to active and very intensely used online reservation system for a travel agent company.. all that at one company here in Woodstock, Cape Town.. to working in corporate enviroment for the first year of two we were in London.. upgrading internal systems to better fasilitate people's everyday functions.. and that there.. that's what I love doing.. 

After I've written a system or helped in writing such a system and I see people doing something that used to take them ages to do a mere few moments I'm a happy man.. sure.. my work, especially in the ever changing and fast paced world of web dev, won't last forever... but that's another post all on it's own that I've been tinkering in my head with.. but for the time that it runs, runs well and true I'd dare say I'm happy then.

I'm missing that... I feel I go to work as a drone.. I log into the IT ticket help system in the morning, then start to pick the requests I'd like to do, and like most people I pick the easy ones.. the ones I know that marketing requires accurate data for, otherwise money is going to be spent that shouldn't have been. Lately I'm looking through the list of requests for the really tough ones.. so that I feel some challenge. 

All that's set to change when we return from Mozambique though. We've found another dev to work with us... something which I believe our designer hopes will "push" me up the ladder of "wanting" to work.. I dare say it's not a lack of wanting to work, but it's a lack of doing the kind of work that I love.. the kind that makes a difference.. the kind of work where I get to learn new things on a regular basis and have to learn it quickly because it needs to be used.. I've worked with our designer before, and although I think she has some understanding of how I and other development / engineering people work / think, I firmly believe that she thinks the driving forces that drive her is the same for everyone else.. 

Apologies for anyone trying to make sense out of this post, I think it's just been an outlet where I could throw what's in my head space out onto a place where I can read it again back to myself to try and sort it out and figure out what to do with it all. 

I have to make some choices.. some decisions, but I feel it might be best to let those wait until I'm on a warm, sandy, white beach... enjoying the weather and great company that's going with.. including my brother who's returning to the motherland in a week's time.. I've missed him, massively and I hope to spend some hours just chatting and going on walks with him and my g/f to go take photos and play cards or board games.. 

To everyone out there, who might be reading this.. please do yourself justice in this world, do something you really love, because as the proverb goes : "If you love what you do everyday, you'll never work a day in your life".

[Z, out]